What I'd Say To You.

2010-11-10T20:13:00.001+08:00

You used to call me almost every day.

Asked me to buy cigs every now and then.

Not forgetting the usual groceries.

You used to sit outside the balcony.

Told me stories.

Especially those good times you had.

Asked me what time my classes were now and then.

Asked if I was busy.

Because the monthly pension day was due.

And I would smile and tell you when I was free.

When I would be able to take you there.

"It's not going to take long anyway," you used to say.

And I would nod in agreement.

How you said there are so many cars on the road today.

And how many things have changed and some gone away.

But I always can relate to what you say.

Because deep down inside, I'm just like you in many ways.

:')

2010-05-26T20:01:00.002+08:00

I think it is not a good idea to let it get to your head.

2010-05-25T20:45:00.000+08:00

what's with all the attempts of breaking free of your natural self? oh wait, maybe that is your natural self.

2010-05-24T19:07:00.000+08:00

If she doesn't seem to be responding to you, it's not because she can't hear you, she's just not that into you.

closure.

2010-03-31T23:17:00.001+08:00

if we needed attention so much, why do we shy away when we have it?

when we think we have all that we needed,
when we thought we could keep it,
is when it sinks in.

it may be statistically improbable, but we still think it's possible.
we still keep our hopes high,
maybe the bad times will somehow just go by,
even when we just sit and don't try.

but at times we sit and cry,
and often times we sigh,
at how hard we try.

There's no guessing what we all say in the end.

But will it really change anything?
We don't always say what we feel, words can be a play of mindful thoughts in serendipity.
There's no knowing for sure.

Give, get and let learn.

getting spoiled many times over.

2010-01-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

There's always firsts for everyone, for so many things. I anticipate that this move will bring on countless firsts for me. Interacting with people, having to be there at particular times and for definite intervals, thinking and moving. But it's all for the greater good. Well it's how it's literally defined. Of course I'll get something in return for my efforts, that's pretty much the main point of it all. I do hope I'll learn at least something along the way, I guess it's just part of life. And I roughly quote, "before this you're the spoiled brat, now you're the spoiled.." aduh I forgot the last phrase. I have such bad short term memory.

Ahaha yes I'm a spoiled brat.

Rocket-strapped adrenaline rush

2009-12-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

Part of the list:
- clean things up
- assign my responsibilities
- do a checklist
- have faith
- think positive
- leave on a jet plane

Mixed emotions don't persist when different factors gradually blow your judgment in one way. It's probably accurate to mention that there's little, if any, bugging thoughts that are taunting me to stay. Apart from the precious few that I dearly adore, nothing else remains on the home bench.

One thing's for sure: I'm still on this beaten path.

They say the future's hard to predict. But they also say that you decide your own future. So to make life a lot less difficult, let's just say the best thing to do is to stop wasting time predicting, but to spend more time deciding. I mean that's just common sense, since we are terribly bad creatures at predicting something and we're definitely better in putting things to work. Now that's what I call practicality.

I'd say let's get on the saddle of life and start charging at the future. Hilarious analogy, I know.

new dawn

2009-12-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

I didn't think I could have all of that. At least not until that point. I didn't think anyone would look at me long enough to find me worthy. For that, I feel grateful. No formalities, no real confirmation whatsoever, but I guess it just went on naturally. Mutually. But I must say that I was greedy, too selfish to hope for so much, too hopeful to believe it was mine to keep.

But it was beyond my means to not. It's only natural.

So I thank you for all the memories.

I'll continue to hope for more.

fumbling at dusk

2009-10-05T21:51:00.000+08:00

Turns out I can't. I can't tell it. I'll save it for next time. If there is something I would do, it's nothing. Cos it's out of my hands. But maybe it isn't what I think or feel it is. If so, again, there's no difference. Well, well, turns out to be...

fumbling at dawn

2009-10-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

Can I talk to you? I need some attention. I need someone to listen. I need to say so many things. I'm afraid you'll not know. I think I shouldn't shout though. Wait. I'll wave! I'll wave both arms at you, so you'll see clearly. Let's see, where shall I start?

Bitter heart of mine

2009-09-06T22:13:00.002+08:00

I'm going to count till three. Then I'll jump. I'll feel the wind in my face, cold and harsh. Bitter. I'll wave and flap, I'll spin and turn. When it does end, I'll hit hard. Maybe I'm going to land on my back. Better still, on my head. Don't worry, I'll pick everything back up. You don't have to do anything. In fact, you've done enough. So it's best you just sit back and watch me, or don't at all. I'll try explaining to you again, but I don't think I'll find the words. It can be a bit hard, but there's nothing much anyone can do. So I'll keep on falling, down and down. If it's best it's good, if there's nobody, there never could. How could little birds and hail hurt me on my way down? They'll just fall with me, they should. I'll just get a cold, some bruises maybe. But I'll be intact. I don't know about the fall though. Let's wait and see.

To get what's not gotten

2009-08-28T23:17:00.003+08:00

*snap*

I took a picture of you today, and it looks great. Good thing everything's almost digital nowadays, the picture would last for years. That is if I don't lose the file.

I think the best part would be waking up with the sun caressing my face, gently infusing my skin with its warmth. I don't mind rainy days either, it's just as good, because I feel like huddling under my blanket then. Oh if I could I'd do the arms-and-legs-wave you always see people doing on blankets of snow.

Occasionally, I'd do nothing. Then time seems to take notice and tries to zip past as much as it can. I end up wondering. But there's never an answer. Our minds are certainly weak when it comes to these, showing how little we know about this world we live in, let alone the universe.
Partly why I often pray for the health of the ones I love, for their sins to be forgiven, for the well-being of myself, for a lasting relationship.

After all, I could imagine spending the rest of my life in sheer bliss, with good company, and that very source of joy and happiness. Life would be so good, wouldn't it? Maybe fantastic.
Tonight is a good night. So would be tomorrow night, and so on. Every day's a great day. It's a gift. It's just how you live it. Every second, minute, hour and day. It's like painting a picture perpetually. You decide every stroke of the brush, every splat and drip of paint.

Isn't it all just a test? After all, we ain't gonna be around for long. It's like a dry run really, before a longer one. To decide where and how we would be. I wanna do more for myself. Others too.

So maybe it's just in a day's work after all.

If time could talk.

2009-08-19T18:36:00.002+08:00

Come and sit with me. I'll tell you countless stories. I'll even talk about you.

I'll talk about almost everything under the sun. Rain and shine, even that kind.

You could tell me things too, I'd listen and just look at you.

Pardon me if I don't seem to react to what you say, because I think I should be lost in your eyes by then.

But just yell at me or shake me a bit, that should do the trick.

I could stay like this, and I would.

I dearly want it to stay.

2009-08-10T08:21:00.002+08:00

Going uphill.... is the paramount task of enriching myself with knowledge with the hope that it will bestow me with enough wisdom to embrace the working life.

If last sem was hard, then I've not talked about this sem. It's getting edgier nowadays, and colors fly high in the wind. Although not as hectic, but it sure is intense. I'm predicting a lazier me, and hopefully I'll be able to stow away the procrastination.

Now's about the right time for reforms.

I'm a fool, out of love.

2009-07-31T11:36:00.002+08:00

I've been reading the letters, staring at the photographs.
Trying to figure out, what's really on your mind.
Did anything happen, on my part or others, that made you turn and walk away?
I've been thinking hard, still unable to understand.
Also things I have been hearing about you.
It's taking a toll, a gradually increasing amount.
I'll accept it as it is, no doubt.
I don't really have much of a choice anyway.
So if you're keeping quiet, I'm fine.
I can't look at you like this.
Not when I'm talking, not when I'm joking.
Not when everything is in disarray.
I think you know, but I'm saying it anyway.
I can't go all normal when it's not, that's one thing I'm not good at faking.
Tell me something,

what is it really?

Advice taken.

2009-07-23T18:00:00.003+08:00

Apa maciam ah brader? 1 bulan kasi lepak talak mauk sama saya lepak. Kata lu busy busy. Gua tak tauk apa mau cakap ah brader. Nanti wa tengok lu tidak busy leh. Tiap-tiap hali dudok itu lumah kasi tengok itu komputer. Apa maciam ini brader? Tidak lama sudah mauk start semester baru ah. Nanti lagi tidak ada masa apa maciam? Lu talak pikir itu semua ah? Tidak lama nanti sudah tua satu tahun lagi. Lu sudah mauk masuk itu 20 ah. Tadak itu 1 lagi dekat depan. Sudah besar loh. Mai kong lu masih kecik oh! Tadak alasan lu mau cakap itu maciam ah. Better lu kasi overhaul lu punya hidup ah. Kasi tukar itu perangai. PCK pun cakap itu "don't play play!". Sikalang tidak cakap amacam? Lu mauk continue sampai bila? Lu laki leh brader, kasi berani sikit lah. Kalau lu biar ini macam kuat malu leh.

OK wa tak mau cakap lagi. Lu kasi settle your life. Wa cakap banyak pun talak guna. OK? Tenkiu.

Overly out.

2009-07-16T23:28:00.002+08:00

I guess it never came to me that I could be sharing.
I could be oversensitive. My judgment could be off.
There's this sharp tinge whenever that moment happens, quite literally felt at the heart.
I do try to brush it aside, but it has been very impulsive and automatic lately.
It's almost like a reflex reaction now.

There are things I should not know, I understand.

There are things that's best I keep myself away from, I understand.

But what do I tell myself when I think that they aren't coming under any of that?
I shut myself silly. I shrug it off, thinking it's just the way it is for a reason.

So what does it come down to? Faith.

It's a two-way thing. Yes. But I'm ever curious. I know things but it's never enough. I am perplexed by how it goes without a hint of that. Well maybe you just want to leave it behind, don't wanna think about it. Maybe I am pushing it by bringing it up. Maybe it's just me.

What's past is past? I don't think I am able to unconditionally agree on that.

Maybe part of me just wants to know, that's all. To top it all off, everything we've been through.

I think you just have a colorful life. Maybe it's just too uncanny for me, one who's been mostly alone. Maybe it's just part of me being subconsciously envious, and taking the whole ship along with it.

Well, whatever it is, I think some things have to be amended.

2009-07-12T21:41:00.001+08:00

There's no use.

This demanding heart.

2009-07-10T01:32:00.005+08:00

I think that life is really sweet. It's wonderful and brilliant, but it's flow is greatly affected by my decisions. It's funny to think that most of the time I just base them on situations around me, instead of the other way round. Well repetition has its effects, and this would be one of them. At the same time, it is frustrating that I couldn't care less about squeezing in even just a drop of effort. It is taken for granted, as you don't really cherish things until you lose them. Sometimes you just go along merrily thinking that there's no way it's gonna be taken away from you. It would then hit you hard.

Maybe sometimes you got to give and take, because they are two very different things. I'm not sure which side I am more on, but I do hope I am more of a giver. Sometimes I take too much. To satisfy myself, I subconsciously hurt. Annoy. Trouble. But it all doesn't seem to feel worthy when I come to realize that in the end, I only please myself. But that too is soon changed by the realization. So in the end, I end up with nothing. None at all. It really is doing things gung-ho.

I keep praying to God, hoping that things would be back to how it was, or praying that it would be something similar. Then I realize that there isn't any effort on my part. How is it supposed to work if the fundamental element itself isn't present? So I think hard, trying to work out an action plan. But I only end up doodling away, with nothing but scribbles and countless lines. Now it's a waste of paper. It all does nothing except proving how I have been taking things so lightly. Everything can end. Every single one. So where do I start? Where do I ask for help?

All in all, it really is a whole bagful of silly mistakes. I want to change it. I want to keep it empty. The first should be the only, and I really want it that way.

I am, really, trying very hard.

A grandeur revelation, part I

2009-06-29T20:22:00.002+08:00

I remembered the first time, when it really came to my knowledge. It started with a question. An odd one, probably, but I'm no stranger to oddity. My reaction could have shown that I was clueless, but that's how I react most of the time. Then, more and more things came to light, and I found myself drawn towards that one thing, which culminated into a first.

Keep on walking.

2009-06-25T07:14:00.004+08:00

I can't think anymore. Suddenly it's hard just trying to understand. Maybe I thought that it was simple. Just carry on, happily ever after. But suddenly I'm left literally alone. Is it the way it is supposed to be? Well this ain't algebra, the limits are defined for every single person out there. Can't blame me for being jumpy. Can't blame me for trying too hard either. I wonder sometimes, is it something else, or is it really just me? I need answers. Hello? Nobody has been giving me any. Not even one. So let's put on the thinking cap and wait for the bulbs to light up.

I'll be fine. I'll try hard to.

2009-06-21T22:12:00.002+08:00

To that hero of mine, for everything you've done.

Thank you.

It doesn't have to be just today.

2009-06-20T23:51:00.000+08:00

suddenly, I can't find that person I could talk to.

change is hard

2009-06-20T10:01:00.006+08:00

I don't do changes. It's usually just a little, at most. It has got to do with my perceptions of things. I do things the way I'd like to see it 2, 3 months later, then hopefully years later. I don't adapt too well to changes, particularly in a personal sense. But how is it when everything around you has changed? How is it when one day it's as usual, and on the next it's different? How does it fit for you when to the best of your knowledge, you did nothing? Even when you don't have a clue of what you did to contribute to the situation, do you do what you've always done and risk falling out, or change along? A dilemma, and maybe an enigma.

So I'm just looking back at the past now, wondering how it would all turn out in the end. The future is full of surprises, let's see if it's really good. Mine was literally surprising. I had so many things. Just so many. Well right now it'd just be best for me to figure out how's best to go around with those. Or maybe I should start striking them out, I suppose.

I don't think I planned for it. Maybe nobody did.

I woke up really thinking it was all a dream. Somehow I wished "In your dreams!" would apply here.

Pretty much awake

2009-06-19T21:12:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna be sick.

2009-06-17T21:59:00.001+08:00

pedal to the metal, the debacle.

once through, it's due.

take it, forfeit.

Wake and stumble

2009-06-16T09:01:00.002+08:00

I'm not sure about certain things, and what they really are to you. I get confused, in fact very, about why some things happen the way they do. I really do have the confidence in the whole thing, but these certain things just puzzle me. What is your stand on it? Because I see different ones, sometimes it's saying one thing, sometimes others. I just cannot see the real thing. It seems to be changing all the time. Is it because of it being unknown and trying to just let it flow? Well I tell myself that to try and calm myself down. Being extra sensitive and taking things to the heart, well would it work? But what am I trying to say, it's not my right. Why so uptight?

I don't think it is.

2009-06-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

It kinda hurts, to say the least.

My choice is yours.

2009-06-06T17:37:00.002+08:00

A part of what we all are, is what we all choose to be. There's so many things to think about in making choices, and life isn't short of them. Sometimes you cannot help but think about how it could have been if other choices were made. Then again, there is no telling how it ought to be. Only God knows, Wallahuallam.

So why am I, and many others, so uptight about the decisions we make? It's something automatic, really, more like a habit. Habits are hard to kill, thus the end result.

Many options, one choice. Repeat hundreds and thousands of times. You get... life. Not in its entirety, of course. Close to two decades of life, all I can say is that I'm pretty much getting the hang of it. There is certainly more to come, and I can safely summarize that I've made some pretty good choices so far. :)

Of course, that doesn't include the procrastination and laziness.

Part of what we all know.

2009-06-04T16:11:00.002+08:00

When she wants to tell you, don't tell anyone else. It's something you should keep, and never reveal. I think it is how it's supposed to be, and to think that it can be simple and intricate at the same time. Beats me. I am in denial somewhat, to deny denial is impossible. It's funny when you look back and scrutinize the journey you've been on so far. Destination is, of course still far away. Appreciation is key. To appreciate would mean so much to all. It is what's in the heart, not on the tongue. Words can be easy, and sleazy. So they can't be taken as they are. To be affected by a small number is frustrating enough, but it's how it is. Identify and rectify, then it won't be that hard to go by. Work is essential and excruciating in equal parts, but many seem to get more of the latter. It may be just a tinge of what's in the emo of emotion, tugging at the very sinews of workmobile. We get by, all the same. Fast or slow, it's just a rate. We all succeed. So I'll think about it again, the brain just keeps on changing lanes. 2 is nice, I like it. It's a pair, or together. If 1 comes in, it'd be three. Now three isn't very nice, the distribution would increase. Same goes for n+1, +2, +3 and so on. So let's just keep it at 2. It's best. But there's also the probability of reduction, which is n-1=1. 1 would be a lone number, on it's own, at best. The problem would be there is totally no distribution. Zero distribution would not mean well, as it will contribute to the decay of 1. As we want constant equilibrium, it's best that there is distribution present, and it is kept at 2. So it really is a simple equation, but one which needs constant rectifying. Maintenance would do us all good. Really.

Not always

2009-05-31T10:51:00.002+08:00

It's not always cold when it rains.

It's not always good when you can.

It's not always what you think it is, when it fails.

It's not always the end when it's over.

It's not always me when I think it is.

It's not always the best when you try so hard.

It's not always what it is when it is what it is.

But it's me when it's you.

If it is something I do.

2009-05-20T20:03:00.003+08:00

It's not what I wanted. I never had any thought of hurting, let alone wrecking someone's perfect dream. It's just played the way it is. I can't stop the unraveling of things. I can't do anything much about it.

Difficulty prevails, when it all seemed so simple. No longer the stuff of movies and soaps, now I'm living one. It reeks hard when I know what I'm causing, it doesn't really matter if it was my choice or not.

It will all come down to one. I can't be sure what to make of it if it comes. I really don't.

I just feel difficult. It is.

Imaginasi

2009-05-19T15:37:00.004+08:00

Hanya khayalan, diriku lemas dalam harapan.
Sesuatu yang jauh, kian hampir;
apakah kesudahannya nanti?

Diriku tetap sama, tapi arus yang deras membawaku, mengukir sesuatu ke lubuk hati.
Fikiran yang bercelaru, cuba memahami hakikat yang seringkali menyergah di setiap penjuru kehidupan.
Adakah benarnya harapan akan tiba?

Hanya senyuman, tiada lagi kata-kata. Tiada perlunya.
Jiwaku tetap tabah mengharungi hidup ini. Tetap utuh.

Tiada yang setanding, tiada yang serupa.
Berhentinya waktu sekalipun tidak bermakna.
Ku menanti, berikanlah kepadaku semangat untuk bertemu.

Nasihatmu akan ku ingat. Selalu.

In its entirety...life

2009-05-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

I do wish you well, hope that you will have a quick recovery. It was a stretch, hearing the news. But it's all good now.

I'd like to say thank you. It is a point of self-realization, discovering facts and truths about what we term as life. Induced was the suspense and speechlessness, momentarily halting the flow of normality. Eyes open, mind deep in thought; trains of what ifs sped by in a flash.

I have realized. Offer the gratitude to all as much as possible, thanking the Almighty first and foremost, and the people we call family and friends. A blessing at the very least, continuing to live happy in its entirety. Every moment counts.

So shall I do to all. Thank you.

Because speech fails me where words do not.

2009-05-16T20:44:00.000+08:00

aduh.. kena tempias.

sabarlah kan?

scream.
cry.

ailing present

2009-05-12T21:39:00.002+08:00

I will have to go on that boat one day, when the time comes there won't be any delay.
I can never be sure how it is, no one can be, only the Almighty.
If I shall leave suddenly, without a word or a gesture, I can only offer my biggest apology.
It's not my nature to do so, and never in my heart to want it.
I adore many things, you're top of the list.
I cherish everything, I really do.
Forever it will be, in my heart and memory.

Words won't do much justice, as they can only tell so much.
As many as I want to say sometimes, gestures will do just fine.
I ignore the words then, hoping the moment would last.
But it's predictable, yes, it goes by so fast.

My heart will beat till the end, mustering all that it can from what I have; it shall be just like after the rain.

living a fairytale.

2009-05-11T21:23:00.002+08:00

It's nice when you realize that it really is true. The thought and all, thinking about how it seemed impossible before. I never really thought that it really can happen. Well it's all good, I'm living my life as it is and enjoying it. You just can't stop thinking about things you have around you and being grateful about them. Appreciation never was a destination, it's really more like a journey.

Ups and downs are normal, who can brag about only having ups? It's a fact of life, and best thing's just living with it. Apathy really is a major problem though, it just crashes in when you don't think you want it. Attention is really a double-edged sword. It cheers you up, makes you feel warm and accepted and glad but want too much and you'll be on the road to disorder.

Disorder, disorder, disorrrrrrrderrrr.

It is not all what you think it is, it can be really different. What you see isn't completely what you're getting. It really is hard to understand, and telling yourself that isn't any easier either. But there is truth in telling not to follow too much of the heart, but to use more of the mind. Heart is where the desire is, and the mind would tell whether it is really worth pursuing or not.

So try hard to understand, if it really doesn't get to you, ask around. It'll spare everyone a lot of trouble from the misunderstandings.

It's really great being here now.

song for me

2009-05-07T19:22:00.003+08:00

I'm holding back, to get to the place that I won't regret;
and you would be the one who would see all of that.
I know you would be so uptight I'll be the blame,
But it's not much I will just take it then.

Searching, and running, and looking,
to get the point,
I'm fighting,
and pushing, and trying,
just so it will be.

It's just my style, to go around and mind myself,
just do my thing,
it will be great to see what I've made, honestly;
and everyone will say that I'm their enemy,
so fine I guess it's what they see inside of me.

Fine, I'll be all that you want,
and everything you need;
I'll be nice,
I'll be kind,
just rewind,
it's just how it should be.

2009-05-01T10:33:00.008+08:00

seize the day

2009-04-24T19:30:00.002+08:00

every day's a blessing. so live it well, thank God and everyone around you for what you have.

things happen, come and go as they may, but in the end, it's just you.

get a grip, do it well, turn it good.

it's gonna be well.

turn it down, open it up, make it shine.

it's just life.

make it big, face it.

I'm just happy to be alive.

Really.

I'm gonna take life by the hands and push ahead.

hug it and never let go.

I want to make it mine.

and it shan't end.

I'm not gonna wake before the dream is over.

Cycle

2009-04-08T11:37:00.002+08:00

I cannot seem to comprehend everything.
Faces incessantly appear and disappear like a continuous camera flash.
Why?

Scared of a repetition, staying seems the best choice.
"Wait and see," he said, like he always does.
"Again?" the reply came.

"You can't go barging in if you don't know anything."

It's always a question, a momentary silence paired with deep thought, done over and over again.

Can you give me an answer?

Maybe it's going to turn out okay. If so I'll be the happiest, hands down.

But it's never going to fit into an equation. There are no numbers. No defined theorems, rules or anything as such.

It isn't defined.

Can it be?

2009-03-27T21:52:00.004+08:00

think new, great view

2009-03-21T23:32:00.002+08:00

wowowowowowow

Classes started this month and got through the usual stuff i.e. classes, work, lots of walking around, checking out new blood etc. The work pile's increasing by the moment and since procrastination is part of my blood, it happens. It's a bit more than before, but it always works out anyway.

It's got to change.

And it will.

I met some really mouthwatering, err wonderful people this time. It's contra to my usual policy regarding socializing, ignore most people. I guess it's part and parcel of life(cliche, I knowww.) Yeah but I'm starting to loosen up a little, getting out of that shell, that comfort zone, which doesn't seem give much comfort anymore anyways.

Meeting and getting to know people is fun, no worries cause I get to choose them anyway.

Erk. Must do work. Workkkkkkkk

rainy days.

2009-01-08T02:35:00.000+08:00

I love rainy days.

You just feel like lying down all day, snuggle up somewhere or just enjoy the ambient calm. Enjoying the orchestra of cricket chirps and croaks of frogs amidst the dead of night, and waking up to an urge to sleep.

Torn between the pleading of droopy eyelids and the call for Subuh prayers, I heave myself out of bed whilst frantically snoozing the alarm. "The need of the body," I thought, "is small compared to
the need of the mind and spirit."

But I go straight back to bed after prayers. 0.0

It'll be quite a long spell of rainy and cold days, during which I'll be happy to laze around. Classes ain't starting till end of February, so, yeahhhh!

Been watching a bit of this and that, bits and pieces of Supernatural, Japanese series Engine, some Harry Potter magic etc. I ain't got much to do anyway... besides taking care of the cats.

On a more solemn note, I've been checking out the news on the Palestinian issue. As much as it is proposed as an action of self-defense, I find no substantial reason to agree. The actions currently taken aren't comparable at all to their "losses". Besides, whatever did the civilians do to deserve such treatment? By being present on their own soil?

Nothing can justify any of their past, present, or future atrocities on the Palestinian people. Israel should just stop "defending" themselves on occupied lands and commit inhumane acts under the same pretense. The Palestinans are being prisoners on their own land.

How can you impose terms when you ought to be accepting them?

Isn't the world going to take any action on their illegal occupation? Is it too old of a matter to be of any significance?

Give back what you have forcefully and defiantly taken.

2009

2009-01-03T18:21:00.002+08:00

Well look at the time!

I don't have specific list of new year resolutions which many others would list out; simply because it's sufficient to just put it in mind and be adaptive in getting to those. It's also not much of a good idea to be putting specific goals in mind, as in very specific. I mean, you can't always exactly achieve a very specific goal, e.g. getting a new 2009 Nissan 370z. Unless you're filthy rich and determined, in this case. Putting it simply as 'getting a new car' would be sufficient, no?

So, one of the many priorities would be education. To increase the knowledge and wisdom to attain success in educations for the benefit of the future. Okay that didn't make sense. Simply put, learning is important. I have U-studies to be focused on the next 3-4 years, lessons in life, world social and political developments to catch up with, plus many more, not forgetting the lifelong process of religious enrichment.

Family would also be key. Improving the socio-economics, multi-lateral relations and ties with family members and the well-being of their psychological health would be on top. Not forgetting the various community events essential for my sociological development.

Talking to deep now, am I not? Kinda beats the whole purpose of not being too specific, right? Well no. I meant specific as in technically specific, literally naming the very thing. This would be somewhere between specific and general right? Mmkay.

So generally speaking, it's about improving myself and also others in various aspects of life. General enough I suppose.

So... let's face the year ahead with renewed strength and vigilance. It is a fight after all, a fight for good.

Okay this isn't going anywhere specific,

whatever.

Away!

2008-05-23T05:22:00.001+08:00

I'm off for the weekend camp!

Camp camp camp.

Camping camping.

Haha not that camping wtf.

For mom

2008-05-11T17:54:00.004+08:00

Dear mom,

                I know today is a special day for moms all over the world, it's Mother's Day. Well, I'm not too bothered to say those three words or the other three in a more special way because of the occasion, like others would. I believe that there is no need for a predetermined day for everyone to express their feelings to their mothers. I believe that every day could and should be a day we express our appreciation to you; not forgetting dad, bro, sis, grandpa & grandma and all of our beloved. Isn't that better?
                 I also know that we used to share kisses and goodnights and all but it seemed to have left over the years. It feels awkward or something, but I have to tell you, and I think you know, that I am still doing the same in my heart. I know that you do too, it's just that it's invisible, that's all. So yeah, I don't really say "I love you" or "Happy Mother's Day/Birthday" etc. verbally but I still say it. Inside. So I hope that you wouldn't really mind or be hurt when you see others doing so or it suddenly came to your mind while watching a show/reading cards etc. I hope the rest of the family understands that too.
                  I know you understand all of this and would tell me that there's no need to mention it all that much but I just wanna tell you.

Lots of love.

P.S. I love you!

What I have done.

2008-05-05T21:10:00.014+08:00

I've been really bussyyyyyyyyyyy lately. Like really really.

Stuffs here and there, studies too.

Quizes and classes, procrastination in between, plus chores and errands.

But now I'm sort of free for the week.

Well I'm probably gonna spend most of the time for rest anyway, catching up on sleep. Then probably some reading and movies. Not forgetting the revision I have been promising myself.

A great show for this year? Hopefully.

It's a lot of work though. Ideas. I needs lots of them. But anything would be worth it if it's worth it, right?

What I have been doing?

Labs.

Checking out the beach.

Inspecting immigrants.

Checking it out again.

Visiting the election centre.

Drinking home-made iced tea.

Checking out another beach.

Eating out.

Admiring the Italian classic.

Me.

Those are the things I've been doing.
=D

Effects or affects?

2008-03-26T20:39:00.002+08:00

It's up to a point where you feel good at having even just a moment to rest.
It's up to a point where you cherish whatever time you have left.
It's up to a point where you really think about what you want and should be doing.

There is a purpose for everything, right?

That's how I put it. So there's no need for doubtful second thoughts, I know what I have to do. Determined I am, determined to change.

I've been wasting time on some unnecessary things, namely P.

I just hate P.

I loathe.

Procrastination. Yes I do hate it. Haha yes.

A head start?

2008-03-18T19:19:00.002+08:00

Classes have resumed, been busy with some work, seeing some friends.

I definitely want to turn over a new leaf. A fresh start.
One that would make me look back and say, "Look where I've got to." I do have some doubts every now and then about what I'm doing, apart from thinking about other paths I could have pursued. Probably better.

Presently, I'd say it's best to just stick to it and try harder, I suppose.

Old habits, begone!

Heck, by doing this I'm not doing anything better to solve the prob. -.-

Kurenai.

2008-03-04T01:52:00.004+08:00

Dark red.
Inside, roses such.
Of which that flows in me.
Of what I have inside.

Colour.
Striking as thee.
Reminisce.
A remembrance.
Almost but never abandoned.

Thorny.
Pain as such.
Neverending much.
Braved.
Never fear.

Warmth that radiates.
From you.
From smiles.
From doings.
The very thought.

Long.
The period.
The feeling.
The missus.
Wanting to.

Is there any that could tell?
For I am but the answer.
Searching, neverending, or may it be?
Inside, none was told.
But stays till the heart longs too much.
Reliefed by rare touches.
From the flower.
Always radiating,
always bloom.
Like the flower it is, he said.

But the sayings are all to futility,
of which there it is certain.
At least to him, he thought,
But it never broke.
And long and long the wait,
but never realised.
The flower still,
the difference none.
To which it seemed no end.

Yes, alas, it was known.
But no it still did not sink.
Not sink he wanted,
for he did not care.
The time shifted,
and long it was not seen.

The world worked endless,
and did not long for long.
But once it did it happened,
and soon it again went on.
The petals have changed,
the leaves are different,
but very sure it was.

Longed again and thoughts behold,
soon it was the same.
Change, would it? hard to tell,
a neverending tale.

Blogging... for adults.

2008-02-29T16:52:00.005+08:00

I recently talked to a friend about general stuffs when suddenly she had to spill this out: she
loathes her aunts and uncles who blog. Well not exactly. She didn't like aunts and uncles who
happen to have their own blogs telling her the next time they saw her that they read her
blog and how they found it to be funny.

Nothing's wrong right?

She's probably got the shock thingy going on. I mean peers reading your blog, ok. Cute boys/girls reading your blog, even better. But adults around your parents age reading your blog,
like WTH?
Most of you would probably say the same thing. It's like there's a different belief/principle when it comes to these IT stuffs, not forgetting many other things like relationships and views(familiar?). The "new age" and "old age", as it is sometimes referred to.
And when people as old as them read you rants and your life/emoness/anger/cursing/sappiness, you can't help but feel as if your parents are reading it too themselves. There's nothing wrong with it, really, for those who're really super close with their parents that they share about everything under the sun with them, but for most of us, that is just not the case.

So... strange?

But hey, they do need to jump in the bandwagon and start catching up with stuffs, don't they.
After all, they are somewhat left behind when it comes to the tech stuffs. Ever had your parents commenting on how fast you texted when it's like nothing to you? Or ever had your old man fussing about why you need so many gadgets like mp3s and digicams or those fancy, multi-functional mobile phones?

So yeah, it may be strange now, but when the time comes where everyone's already doing it, who's gonna say anything?

It's like a new technology. It's like an invention, something unheard before, when people have just started using it. Well it's probably harder in this case because blogging's associated with the younger generation. Talking about being out of place.

But hey, it may one day be a thing of the past. Like many before.

And I don't know how it feels because I've not experienced it! =P

Point Is?

2008-02-24T00:11:00.006+08:00

The extra-long holidays are almost over now. About 2 weeks left?

I did spend at least a month or so doing pointless things, or rather, not doing anything at all. So classes suddenly felt like a very welcome option. Well certainly lazing around would not be an option as soon as classes start, I know I have to do a lot more. I do.

Working out has been one of the very few things I have been doing to keep myself occupied. And healthy. The usual stuff, jogs and all. And high tide sure seem to get higher these days.

So it came to my attention again recently. Pondered, and found that I do think to much about
certain things. Many ask me what's the point in doing so, when things as such aren't supposed to be so complicated. Well it is. But I've been reading the signs and decided to just stay. I can't get any progress, neither can I back away. It still hangs, as usual.

One of the many things I have yet to understand fully, but wonder if I will ever do.

TagFest

2008-02-21T12:12:00.003+08:00

This linky love trail rules:-When you got tagged, you have to add your name to people who had done the tag and and let the list grow!

DunnitLimadang.com
RamblingMoo.com
blogginginmypyjamas
StylewithPassion
ChinneeqDora-zooropazoo
BabyshernFarah (me)
Bani gundu
Frankensteina
Diyanazman
Najmyhana ni mo naiLindoshSlebetcepoterh
UmmYdayana
ELLE LIZA~
Scarlet Kiss
Sycosuchitrawoobee
ArcAngelD
Esther
Mandy
My Award-Winning Drama
s u f f

First name- Suffian
Nickname- suff, Booger, Sop, Afro
Name you wish you had- none
What do people normally mistake your name as- Sofian
Birthplace- Dunno
Time of birth- Dunno
Single or taken- Single lah!
Zodiac sign- Leo

Your appearance:
How tall are you- ><176cm
Wish you were taller? - Not really.
Eye colour- Dark brown.
Eye colour you want- What I have.
Natural hair colour- Black.
Current hair colour- Black.
Short or long hair? - Going long.
Ever dye your hair a bizzare colour? - Nope.
Curly, straight, wavy- Curls.
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair- Last September.
Glasses or contacts- Glasses. Though I don't wear them.
Do you wear make up- No.
Ever had hair extensions?- No.
Paint your nails?- No.

In the opposite gender:
What colour eyes- Dark brown.
What colour hair- Black/Brownish.
Shy or outgoing?- Shy.
Looks or personality- Both.
Sexy or cute- Cute.
Serious or fun- Bit of both.
Older or younger than you- Younger.
Broke someone's heart- ...
Wondered what's wrong with you? - Doesn't matter.
Wish you were a prince/ princess- No.
Liked someone who's taken- Nope.
Shaved your head- Yeah.
Been in Love- Not sure.
Used chopsticks? - My second spoon.
Sang in the mirror to yourself- Sometimes.

Favourites:
Flower - None.
Candy- Chocolates/Any sweets.
Song- Banyak.
Scent- None in particular.
Movie- PoC
Singer- Banyak.
Word- Wth.
Junk food- Semua.
Website- Nada.
Lotion- Nope.
Animals- Cats.
Ever cried over someone?-
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself? - My personality.
Do you think you're attractive? - I can't tell.
If you had to choose a fairytale for your life what would you choose? - Jack and the Beanstalk. Wth.
Do you play any sports?- The once in awhile basketball and football.

The rules:-Link to your tagger and post these rules.

List (8) random facts about yourself and tag (8) people.

Boy.
Jogs.
Runs.
Drives.
Eats a lot.
Lazy.
Procrastinates.
Goofy.

I tag:
Abby
Sabs
Janet
David
Kuok Fong
Cat
Pol
Dexter

2008-02-18T10:48:00.002+08:00

A big thanks to Kris the bugger:

Seven things you plan to do before you die:

1. Fulfill my respondibilities.
2. Do drum corps.
3. Get a good job and a good family.
4. Go places.
5. Get a nice home.
6. Apologise for my mistakes.
7. Reminisce the times.

Seven things you can do:

1. Procrastinate.
2. Drive.
3. Talk.
4. Scare people.
5. Crack up jokes.
6. Help around.
7. Do nothing.

Seven most repeated phrases or words:

1. huh?
2. yea.
3. no.
4. right.
5. wth?
6. yea yea yea.
7. yada-yada.

Seven physical traits you look for the opposite sex:

1. Pretty face.
2. Nice hair.
3. Plump stature. Anorexic definite no-no
4. Okay height.
5. The curvy pear-shapped thingy.
6. Fair skin.
7. Nice name. Not exactly physical lah.

Three names you go by:

1. s u f f
2. Suffian.
3. Booger.

Three things you like about yourself:

1. I'm good.
2. I'm really really good.
3. I'm special. (wth?)

Three things you don't like about yourself:

1. I'm lazy most of the time.
2. I get distracted quite easily.
3. I tend to only do things I like well.

Three things that scares me:

1. God.
2. Heights.
3. Centipedes.

Three Drinks I like:

1. Coffee/Tea.
2. Milk.
3. Milkshakes.

Three of your daily essentials:

1. Food/Water.
2. Family.
3. Something to do.

Three things that you are wearing now:

1. Tee.
2. Shorts.
3. Undies.

Three of my favourite movies:

1. Pirates of the Carribean 1,2,3.
2. The Godfather I, II, III.
3. Black Hawk Down.

Two Truths and A Lie:

1. I fancy girls.
2. I'm usually very honest.
3. I'm very friendly.

Three things about the opposite sex that appeals you:

1. Personality.
2. Looks/Style.
3. Interests.

Three careers that you are considering, or have considered:

1. Doctor.
2. Engineer.
3. CEO. All time favourite!

cont.

2008-02-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

On the third day, the visits started soon after dusk. (sounds like some vampire story wth) Daniel had invited me over to his place the day before, so after a call or two, we went over with me tailing behind. We were greeted by a busy scene nontheless, as his sister's friends also paid them a visit.

Food, glorious food!

The sister's friends+blur Jin Rong.

They were watching Sweeney Todd the yada-yada and we caught the later parts when we sat down to watch after his sister's friends left. Gory, bloody and everything in between. Egregious, I say, but not the story.

After the movie and a lot of tidbits and oranges, we decided to make a move but I didn't have any friend's place in my head. So I joined the rest of the GS and made our way to Priscilla's house, which is really a stone's throw away from mine. Well maybe two wth. There were quite a crowd there too, with a lot of the parents' friends visiting. Not long after that, some of us went and joined in what seems to be synonymous with CNY, gambling.

Wilson was the banker.

It was unique in a way as it is one of the traditional Chinese gambling games/techniques/whatever still played today. I'm not saying I've not seen one of these, it's just that it holds a traditional value worth mentioning, different from the usual Blackjack and the like. While some of us were at the table, the rest were on the couches, watching LOTR III. I was in between both.

These are couch potatoes I say!

Another picture of them.

We then decided to move on to Wilson's house to unwind and chill. Some of us decided to call it a day and went home, but most of us still went on with the plan.

Eat eat eat.

Candid #1.

Candid #2.

Ah Bi. Put Ah Bee can also lah.

That was day 3.

CNY

2008-02-09T02:24:00.000+08:00

I have been visiting houses lately, and so far it has been somewhat interesting.
My family and I went to visit the Chinese grandma later in the day on the 1st day, not having visited any other place before that as all of us were occupied with something. You see, I had been occupied with napping. =)
When we got there, we met up with the uncles and aunts and grandma and everything in between(not really). I, on my part, chose to sit and just listen most of the time, while chewing on some peanuts or other tidbits which I have made synonymous with generally any festivity. After some time, the aunts and uncles and their children left and we stayed back for a little while to chat with the grandma and another aunt. Another uncle joined in a bit later. Talked and talked, watched TV, chewed and chewed and *poof* it was time to go. That was it for day 1.

The cupboard filled with some nostalgic stuff which is also synonymous with CNY for me.

The view from the balcony.

The second day was more eventful, and first stop: Bel's. So I tailed Ralph to the house after he had picked up Dexter and we were late by an hour or so, but no matter. Did what people do on visits, wishes and food and chatter as usual. More people came as time passed, and after quite some time we decided to move on.

The mini garden near the entrance.

Visitors #1.

Visitors #2.

Ah lek.

The girls and the host in green.

So we moved on to the next house, Jin Rong's/Hui Xin's/Hui Xian's. When we got there we saw so many cars that I initially thought the car dealer right next door was
having an open day or smth. After hesitation and bla bla blas we just went in.

Everyone was everywhere.

Dexter was somehow attracted to the lamp.

Nah! For you Bel who did the same thing.

Soon we were back on the road again and this time they wanted to give Jordan a visit.

Gaming.

Gaming again.

Gaming again again.

Some mahjong-like-thingy-I-don't-know-what-it's-called.

One half of us.

A little bit past dusk, we moved on to Phoebe's. There were quite a large number of cars in the neighbourhood, mainly because of people visiting the neighbours' houses.

Adalah angpau game.

Pick your packet.

Bel got lucky. Err, well Ralph got lucky too.

CNY

2008-02-07T01:34:00.000+08:00

*How do you like the sound of having KL on an actual Monopoly board? Well you can vote for it to be placed with 19 other world cities here. An account is needed, but it's just a few clicks away.*

What better way to end the day than watching tv?

Anyway, spent some time taking shots of the spectacle that unfolded at midnight. Well yeah, it's just some fireworks. A new year for the Chinese, and with that I wish them 恭喜发财,万事如意!

The year of the rat, 2008.

It's your year, chum.

The pictures don't really do them justice, I say.

Pic #1

Pic #2

Yeah, I know there's just one.

Enjoy!

*out visiting*

Next: Kris

2008-02-01T21:35:00.000+08:00

Kris left for Aussie this morning.

Via Brunei.

So no pictures?

Well some.

Emoness.

Emoness #2.

The bugger has landed!

No hard feelings, Kris? At least it's better than Dexter's.

All the best.

I got rich scammed

2008-01-21T22:31:00.000+08:00

I received an email some time ago and boy was I surprised. Somewhat.

You have got to list me in the "100 youngest millionaires" list.

Basically, according to the email I had won a million pounds from an "Euro Afro Asian Sweepstake Lottery Award". What a name. They probably wanted it to sound international, as in Euro for Europe, Afro for Africa and Asian for Asia. And lotteries are supposed to be won, not awarded, right?

"Oh well, what the heck", I thought. After skimming through I automatically closed the page. But after a moment, I opened it back up and decided to read through again, being curious.
Company name, address, numbers, yada-yada, and I fixed my eyes on the red-highlighted text.

Bugger! One million pounds! Not USD or Euros or MYR. Though I knew that this was a scam, too good to be true, bla bla bla, but no financially deprived person would be able to resist dreaming about this much of an amount.

Just for the fun of it, I googled it up.
Found numerous articles about the email and many other related scams. I even found a scam analyzer, and again, for the fun of it, I gave it a shot.

Turns out they identify these scams by various criterion, and the site listed the "scam points" and some details. Neat.

I also found an article on About.com about similar scams.

I checked the email too, the one they asked to send my particulars to. Turns out, it's Italian. Maybe some successful young Italian entrepreneur who's moved to London trying to make some business? Or the company was made up of people who only understand Italian?

Maybe it's one of the Corleone's new businesses?

Well technically, I was not scammed. But you can definitely say I was tempted to one!

cyclic redundancy check

2008-01-11T17:20:00.000+08:00

It's pretty much the same every day. Naturally would be hoping for something different but don't want to be all worked up so soon. Would probably come up with one or two new things to optimize my daily routines.

Coming soon:
-KLWMBC revisited, and...
-HK 2006.

Just not sure when.

2008-01-06T20:34:00.000+08:00

1. Where were you at 3.02am this morning?
- In front of the pc.

2. What was the first thing you thought of this morning?
- Food.

3. Is the person you have a crush on older or younger than you?
- Younger?

4. What did you do last night?
- sit in front of the pc.

5. What do you hope to do this weekend?
- no plans just yet.

6. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
- Most probably not.

7. What song are you listening too?
- the songs of nature. raining.

8. Have you ever told someone of the opposite sex you loved them?
- yes.

9. Hows your heart lately?
- it's red and beating.

10. What were you doing at 7 a.m.?
- still in dreamland.

11. What were you doing this afternoon at 12 p.m.?
- having lunch.

12. What was the reason you last cried?
- something on tv.

13. What was the last movie you saw in theaters?
- ehh... forgot.

14. Have you ever driven without a licence?
- Yes.

15. Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?
- Yea.

16. How many red lights have you ran?
- 2 or 3... maybe 4,5...

17. Have you ever cried while in the shower?
- ehh?

18. Have you ever, in any way, betrayed by someone you trusted?
- no.

19. When was the last time you were given roses?
- I give adalah. Eh, takda also. Erm convo day?

20. Is there anything you are craving for now?
- Diablo II.

21. Where did your last hug take place?
- The airport.

22. Do people ever make stupid mistakes when spelling or saying your name?
- not stupid but ppl miss out an 'f' or pronounce it with an 'o' instead of the 'u'.

23. Do you drink tea?
- Yesh.

24. When was the last time you saw a cop?
- Last week.

25. Do you wet the toothbrush before the toohpaste?
- After.

26. Does someone like you?
- It'd be nice to know.

27. What do you hope to accomplish before the year ends?
- nothing in that time frame.

Sarah left!

2008-01-05T15:10:00.000+08:00

Sarah left for KL in the morning. And so, we went to see her off.

Due to some unforeseen circumstances, we were a bit late, somewhat similar to Bel's. But since some of the group came along with me, I didn't feel too guilty. =D

L-R: Paulina, Grace, Sarah, Kristine.

L-R: Ralph, Me, Jaremy, Sarah, Jordan, Chrispian.

Happy.

The dance thingy.

We talked for a bit, well they actually, and did some dance thingy and stuff, hugs and wishes, and finally, goodbye.

Mom doing touch-ups.

Off she went.

She's like a counsellor to me, giving advice on some matters, a good friend who loves cats =) , and we've gone through a lot together in the team.

KLWMBC Parade '07

To the masquerade.

=)

Happy faces.

All the best. Take care.

(some photos courtesy of My Award-Winning Drama)

Bel left!

2007-12-26T17:13:00.000+08:00

Bel left for KL yesterday. Further studies.

We got there a bit late, and by that time the rest of them were already there. Turns out she had to wait for us, when it's supposed to be the other way round.

Fashionably late, I suppose. But we tried our best to get there. =)

In front of the you-know-what.

L-R: Grace, Jordan, Sarah, Belinda, Kristine, Chrispian.

Me, Bel, Ralph.

After a short while and some hugs and kisses, well maybe no kisses, we said goodbye and she left.

Goodbye.

We've been through a lot together in the team, shared things and not forgetting ups and downs, obstacles along the way and not forgetting the jokes and laughs.

KLWMBC '07

SBU's mess hall's whiteboard.

With the Merdeka Parade trophy.

=)

=P

Take good care and do well.

(some photos courtesy of My Award-Winning Drama)

2007-12-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY BAG
- Headphones.
- Charts.
- Shirt.
- Vicks.
- Crackers.

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY WALLET
- Cash.
- I.C.
- License.
- Name cards.
- Portraits.

5 THINGS FOUND IN MY ROOM
- Notebook.
- Junk.
- Trophies.
- Pictures.
- Bed.

5 THINGS I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO
- Improving relationships.
- Spend more time with my family.
- Earn enough money.
- Finding myself.
- Repeating Hong Kong trip 2006. =)

5 THINGS I’M CURRENTLY INTO
- Performing.
- Food.
- Catching up with friends.
- Improving relationships.
- KLWMBC.

and I don't tag back.

2007-12-01T23:52:00.000+08:00

I love you for that.

Sometimes it's just hard.

But I'll try. I will.

Frustration envelopes when you can't.

You.

2007-11-28T00:25:00.000+08:00

I need.

I want.

I miss.

I do.

cold

2007-11-21T19:56:00.000+08:00

It gets so cold these days I feel like growing fur.
I'd like to be a fur ball.

Of course, we know the monsoon winds normally bring heavy rain at this time of the year,
but I do not recall it being this wet and cold.

It is evident, the climate change. But never has it been so clearly visible as of its current condition.
Main cause? Global warming.
The cause of global warming? *sighs*
Literally everything we do under the sun.

Our transportation, the buses, ships, the Vespas we love to colop after, not forgetting the cars we prize so much as a symbol of class and
status.
Our industries, the factories manufacturing our necessities, the power plants supplying us with power we could never have enough.
Our greenhouse gases, which we gleefully release whilst in our aerosol bugs hunting spree, the green houses trapping huge amounts of heat.

I suppose there is no need for further elaboration on other causes/ factors as I regard these as the main culprits. It is a normal thing to see ourselves so closely related to the above activities,
but it is surprising that most of us do not realise or refuse to care about the increasing effects of these
activities on our Earth.

Normal sight? Or accepted as normal?

Heat waves, heavy storms or rain, droughts... they show how unbalanced the global climate has become.
Extremes, once predictions, have become what we live in.
But the human characteristic of being able to adapt would not be feasible in this matter.
Do we want to continue living with it, accepting current conditions as is and neglecting our due responsibilities?
Of course, we believe there will come a doomsday, but is that a reason for us to accept it as is? Is it not more like deciding the time ourselves?

If we can satisfy our need to cool ourselves down, should the Earth be neglected of its right?

Driving in Miri.

2007-11-21T16:31:00.000+08:00

While blog-hopping recently, I came across articles discussing more or less about driving, especially in Miri, and found them to be undeniably true.

Of course, on many counts you hear about the importance of defensive driving to counter the ill-manners of many irresponsible drivers. But sometimes you are left with nothing else but to think, after practising what may be the most defensive driving, that there is very little purpose in doing so, if it was not your fault in the first place.

It could be worse than driving through a minefield.

I mean, how could you be wrong when you are staying on the left lane, going at a reasonable speed, when suddenly, a car overtakes into your lane even when there's another very close ahead on the right lane? Well, nothing wrong yeah, but what happens when you ram into their back? Is it still the fault of the one from behind, being unable to stop or slow down like a race driver on the track? Maybe you don't see this often, but it has happened.

Another one has got to be exiting the junction. You are driving down the road, and approaching a side junction. There's a car. You're getting closer and closer to the junction and it would be clearly ridiculous for the car to exit the junction at that point. But it did. You had to slow down tremendously and occasionally these cars don't speed up after coming out.

And there's the occasional tailgating. Driving closely behind, trying to speed up the car in front until it changes lane or disappears into a junction. It is understandable that some people may be in a hurry or having some sort of emergency, but tailgating is clearly offensive. Most of the people who do that are usually speed demons anyway, always in an hurry to rush to their 'emergencies'. Well people should be alert at all times and know what they're supposed to do. Driving slow-left lane; a bit faster-right lane.

Well sometimes you cannot help but practise the most basic of courtesy and still, it happens, you try to give a signal or something so that the other car would change lanes or give you way. Generally many drivers are so selfish that they're always right. So after giving a honk or something
and given way, you pass by and get greeted by cursing face, a stare or if you're lucky, the middle finger.
You may also be lucky enough to get yourself into an instant 'race', where the other car speeds up to your
side to show some more gestures or try to overtake you.

Selfish?

Done

2007-11-21T15:36:00.000+08:00

It's over...

=D

2007-10-21T19:43:00.000+08:00

The most recent picture of you:

When was this taken: Last week.
Who took it: Me.
Where was it taken: Home.

A picture of you making the peace sign:
^. ^=V

Is this picture in color: Yes.
Are your nails painted in the picture: There's no nails in this pic.

A picture of you with a friend/s:

Who are you with : Good friends.

A picture of you in a weird/random place(more like 3!):

Where were you?
1st picture: San Fransisco's
2nd picture: Nando's, BB
3rd picture: Beach

Who took the picture?
Kris, me, me.

A picture of you in black and white:

Did you edit the picture to black and white or did you take it like that?
Edit lah.

Do you like black and white or color pictures better?
Both.

A picture of you with your hair up:

Do you like hair up:
Kinda.

A picture of you with a weird face:

Is your face more funny or just straight up scary?
Scarry.

A picture of you wearing a black shirt:

A picture of you wearing a red shirt:

A picture of you wearing a green shirt:

A picture of you wearing a cap:

A picture of you looking mad:

Why were you mad?
I wasn't?

and I thought...

2007-09-18T20:24:00.000+08:00

It's funny how some things turn out to be eventually, but not anymore after careful thinking.

Many would question themselves,

fate,

or many other things.

Whoever the accused may be, it does not change a single thing about the whole matter,
it only complicates things.

Yes, they say look out for signs.

        Action does speak louder than words, but we cannot escape the irony that many of us do nothing but talk. Big. All the claims and boasting may perfectly fit the image, or does it? Could it merely be our weakness in questioning and thinking, yet agreeing with visual coaxing literally?

Everything must be thought over. Again. And Again. Every single thing.

       We have seen the product of sheer blatancy and still do so. Without doing anything, we will still be having it for a long time to come. Why do we rush to humiliate ourselves, when we clearly know and understand what it brings? Is the offer of fame or popularity great enough to outweigh the bad of the good? We see actions saying that it is, albeit many not understanding the truth behind it, but still doing it, for another sake of peer pressure.

        Clearly this shows that we have actually deteriorated consistently with the process of civilisation. Take it lightly, take it for granted; and we shall be advancing to become what we used to be, when we think that we are going forward; actually we are not, this undoubtly be caused by lack of thinking.

When people had to think to do things, they find solutions; when people don't have to do anything to be doing things, it is madness. Accepted madness, identified and understood, and swept beneath the mat when unknowing persons fail but try to comprehend. By any standards, it is not a development that anyone would acknowledge, but still could not be bothered to act. In other words, it is destruction; an ignored destruction.

Think. But not blindly.

I'll see you again.

2007-09-12T14:06:00.000+08:00

The fan club waiting.

I'll see you again. We all will.

National Day Celebrations

2007-09-02T20:11:00.000+08:00

31st August. National Day. Five decades of independence.

The band arrived at school early morning for preparations, but it wasn't until almost seven that the buses came.

The connecting roads to the stadium were blocked at several points since the day before. Just arrived, unloading and moving in.

Since the buses came late, we too were late. Almost all of the participating contigents were already lined up on the field when they came in.

The drumline; multi-tonal bass drums.

The brass and winds in their marching block.

Part of the crowd present on that day, despite the scorching heat.

The first contigent to march, the NS trainees; the Army band, the last band to lead the contigents.

Each band were assigned ><20 contigents in the march pass.

St. Joseph's approaching the commons grandstand.

A closer shot; Before marching out to the right.

The last contigent, the Army.

The war dance was soon after, performed by the elite 3rd Royal Ranger Regiment. Loved the accompanying beat.

There was a bit too much smoke on that day unfortunately, and many had to move higher up the stands to escape the engulfing smoke.

The smoke cleared and the bands started to fall in their respective blocks; another part of the dance.

The symbolic re-enactment of the Tugu Negara monument. This was when the Army men stood in attention and respect.

Marching in together prior to the mass formation. (With the exception of Sacred Heart as they came just a day before.)

The Guards of Honour. Getting in their positions for the escort after the mass formation. Part of the formation in the background.

Marching out after the formation. Drum majors up front.

Post show blues.

The percussion instructor hanging out and showing some of the tricks up his sleeve.

Lunch. Went back at around 12.

50 years of independence. Are we really free? Maybe we are still in the clutches of colonialsm, just that it's more cunning, and more deceptive than ever.

simple and clean.

2007-08-26T11:20:00.000+08:00

So I'm having a week off. Even so, There's some work which needs to be done.

Which means I'm going to spend most of my time outside, like I've always done during breaks. Same thing later, most probably.
So far things are looking better, if not good.

Got tagged by the ever tagging Kristine:
4 jobs I have had in my life:
1. Unofficial work assisting my dad.
2. A lot of work with band, but one which I do not and don't want to get paid for.
3. Unofficial work no. 3.
4. Unofficial work no. 4.

4 places I have lived in:
1. Miri.
2. Miri.
3. Miri.
4. Maybe Sarikei?

4 countries I have been to on vacation:
1. Hong Kong, sort of like performing vacation.
2. Brunei.
3. Malaysia.
4.

4 of my favourite food:
1. Home-cooked food.
2. Salads.
3. Sweet stuff.
4. Fast food; when I'm awfully hungry and desperate.

4 places I would rather be right now:
1. Hong Kong. Same places and route =D
2. Kay-Ell.
3. Just at home.
4. Watching the past DCI finals live.

of happy thoughts and grimaces

2007-08-21T23:43:00.000+08:00

Alacrity to drop by for a visit tomorrow.
Things take turns every now and then, but sometimes the impossible pops up, leaving me somewhat helpless but eager to find a solution.

Talk about thinking of the unthinkable.
It's not so hard when it's slowly, clearly materialising, forming before our very eyes.
To do something about it? Definitely yeah.

By the way,
*Happy Birthday Belinda!*

Break coming up. 168 hours of free time.
Albeit the fact that I've always taken it like it were it.
No difference maybe, but it clearly means I'll take a wayy slower cruise than my current.
So result=worse

What the heck?

Seriously in need of a reformation.

of construction and destruction, plus other things.

2007-08-19T18:52:00.000+08:00

The trials and exams for sec. school ended on Friday. A week's break's next. And mine's a week after theirs. Went to check out the progress for the upcoming state level Merdeka celebrations which would be held in Miri this year. They're going to play 7 patriotic songs for the event.

Went to the briefing thing yesterday at the stadium.

The members of the army band assembling on the field.

The officer basically talked about the programmes lined up for the event and stuff.
Went back to school a short while after.
So yeah, the band's currently practising the songs.

Went down to town after that.

of constructors :
It just came to me how Miri has changed compared to yesteryears. Took a shot of this:

The new building behind Bintang Plaza.

Then there's the flyover project currently nearing completion.

Pujut flyover-under construction.

Word is, it's going to be complete by November, instead of the estimated November next year.
Judging by the looks of it, I'd say it'd be highly possible.

of destructors :
On the other hand, I spotted this:

Vandalised board.

This is at my good ol' school, and it has always been rampant.
Can't they appreciate anything? Or maybe they're just plain selfish, not wanting to see others having proper things.
Then they should just leave those alone.

There are more but I have yet to take pictures of them.

And yeah, time really flies.

2007-08-12T18:44:00.000+08:00

Nothing much lately. Classes, basketball, usual stuff.
And oh, happy birthdays to Pak Yew and Sebastian.
Thinking. Thinking. Thinking.

And the Ordinaryteengurl tagged me.
But I choose not to tag others in return. =D

1. Have you ever cursed someone aloud in front of them?
#Yes.

2. Who's the person who dominates your phone's inbox?
# none in praticular

3. What do you feel when people compliment you?
# I feel good.

4. What would be your initial reaction if you saw your boyfriend/girlfriend kissing someone else?
# Distraught, yes.

5. What would you do if you saw someone being murdered inside their house?
# Try and call for help?

6. Tell one weird fact about yourself.
# I'm wierd.

7. People often tell you that you like..
# to talk

8. Could your life still be happy if you had to leave everything behind to go another place?
# Maybe. But in a different way.

9. What if some stranger just touched you in the ass?
#I'll be like, wth? And stare. If it's a boy, that is. =D

10. When you're irritated, you tend to..
# Make a strange expression and think in circles.

11. Tell how was your last kiss was..
# Didn't have any?

12. Have you and your mom had a big fight?
# Arguements, yes. Fights, no-no

13. If you were obese, what's your first step in losing weight?
# Control what I eat.

14. Would you slap your best friends' back if they slapped you?
# Erm no.

15. When you were little, what past time did you enjoy?
# Running around, catching insects and stuff.

16. Is grade school better than highschool?
# They have their own pro's and con's.

17. Would you ever marry someone who's black American?
# Probably not.

18. Who's the most sensitive person you know?
# Not sure.

19. What's the best movie for you so far?
# Erm none?

20. Do you have a collection of some sort?
# mags, papers, badges.

21. Do you always get teased by the people around you?
# Not always

22. Ever got caught peeing in public?
# no.

23. Thrown up in front of your crush?
# Nope.

24. What's something you're concerned about recently?
# My thoughts.

What's the worst thing?

2007-08-06T22:03:00.000+08:00

To live by memories long past,
reliving every moment of it.
Remembering what was really felt at the time.
What had I done,
and what I have not done.
To see it possibly come back to me,
to have another chance,
to think that it can happen again.

The what if's I will not say,
to mention it would be plainly making myself feel better.
Cause and consequences have both happened,
to say I didn't know about it would be lying.
Changes have happened I can clearly see,
and it doesn't help.
Those definitely made you better,
but I feel otherwise.

There may be better,
as the world has lots to offer.
The future is hopeful for you,
so I can only hope.
Hoping for something I'm uncertain of.
There're better ones.
Or it may not be time.
Untold,
it may remain.

I feel.
Still the same as can be,
but will time tell?
I know,
I know,
I'm not. I understand.
I do.

I'll stay.
I would.

2007-07-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

Past few days have been somewhat monotonous. As in doing the same things. Really.
So-called routine: wake up, make calls, go out, search in vain for something to do, go around, eat, continue search, found something, hang out, sleep. Repeat.

And these were scenes from "searching in vain for something to do", yesterday.

So we went to our alma mater after some thoughts, and Jon had to go for lunch, while David had to pick up his sis. Later, while looking for something else to do after a few botched attempts, lunch and fooling around, we somehow landed at David's place.

Guess who's back!

Sat around till someone spotted a Disney's Monopoly and suggested playing a game or two.

Jon versus Rob, with David being the banker and we as the spectators. Rob had most of his luck down that time. But wait, David's dog:

So wth?

Wanted to shoot some hoops later but it rained. While sending us home, we changed plans and took Chris's and Yong Lin's Monopoly instead over to Jon's.

Started playing individually but after I was almost broke and things got kinda boring, Yong Lin and Rob teamed up. We followed suit.

And things got better after they landed a few times on Mayfair, in which we gleefully received £1400 for each visit.

So today, same thing, after lunch, met up with Ralph, Chris and Jay.
The initial plan was to play some basketball but we didn't have a single clue as to where to play. So we were, after this and that,
stuck at Yong Lin's. Some time later, went to Lutong to play.

And some tea. Literally.

And a nice piece to top it off.

What's up tomorrow? Don't guess. Refer above.

2007-07-14T00:46:00.000+08:00

There's around another week to go until back to being occupied with lectures, homeworks and assignments.

It's hard to think of what to do or how to handle current stuffs. But it will be dealt with sooner or later, as I have to.

So I went to KL last weekend.

First stop in the morning. Watched them practise. Did the same at night.

Met the rest the next morning. Went to watch rehearsals.

Nice place. Old block.

Comp day. Our line of people.

Pending results.

Photo after the comp.
Can't post pics during the comp. Some are missing. To be fair, and by doing so would have undesirable effects on my health.

Went back a day after and cooled down. Had barbeque at Jon's place. Thursday.

Met up with Tina and Naya this afternoon.

and also Tinie And Yong.

So it's really going to be a smaller circle, but who remains is undecided. Just hope it's how we want it to be.

So what now?

2007-06-28T22:23:00.000+08:00

Break.

Keeping myself busy with all the things I could think of and make myself do.
I am yet to touch any books. So really darn lazy.

There are still some things in the dark, and it's probably slowly being uncovered, discovered, understood.
But to take action or not, is still in deep thought.
Because no one jumps in the ring without knowing what he's going to face in there.
Then again, there's a tinge of fear somewhere, that maybe it would be too late when it does happen.

Based on analyctical and my ability to comprehend, it's basically a minor matter turn big. I mean, it's as if someone casted Amplify Damage or something. Joke there, but still, it's not short of what I mean. So it's really exagerated up to the extent that you'd just say:"And how did it really get so BIG?"

We have got to stop exagerating minor details unnecessarily. No matter the purpose. It's just going to add up to the confusion. Getting the facts right is also a big, in the claim itself and also in the exageration. So get your facts right, people.

So I'm going to see what happens after this, and after that too.

Or can I say it the other way round?

2007-06-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

It's a start to a long wait. For everything.

Nevertheless, it's going to still be busy and maybe a bit hectic, but I love it the way it is. Most of it.

A lot of thinking as usual, but lately it was a bit more than the average. This and that, all the hi's and lo's went into deep scrutinization. Facts, possibilities, outcomes, all endless.

Sometimes in life, the journey may be full of obstacles and difficulties. Well most of the time, but still, it all comes down to one thing-how do you handle it? Yeah humans have gone through multiple, intricate evolution processes throughout our existence(of which I will base my statement based on current knowledge) and have developed multiple different traits, personalities, behaviours, attitudes and so much more. Because of this a lot of people have experienced both good's and bad's of these and many others have studied and evaluated on these. So as to cut it short, humans are with many different attitudes and behaviours, which sometimes can be a bit difficult to comprehend even after thoughtful thinking. And, our very existence in society have put us in a position where we have to interact and socialize with many others to achieve certain things.

As I mentioned, there's just so many traits that to be successful in terms of modern survival in today's society in general, one has to be able to comprehend the complexity of the human nature individually and make instant changes to suite interaction methods with the individual. So as to keep mutual peace and interactivity, yes it has to be done. It all comes down to tolerance and consideration.

Again, in short, a positive approach, and a mature one at that, would be suitable for interaction with the general members of the society, at least in the initial stages. But even when it is hard to mantain in later stages, all effort should be taken to mantain the mutual peace and tolerability so as not to break certan bond and limits. It is better that way. Trust me. Not just a matured approach, but also one that evades all the aftermaths of bad handling in later stages.

So, try to understand and ask yourself what is really wrong with everything, not who is wrong at what and which point. Seriously, there's no point in doing that. Except maybe a feeling of self-fullness, or self-confidence, but the wrong way round.

So yeah, it is like that. Sooner or later, we'll all understand the complexities of the human nature and its effects.

It's so perfectly fine that I can't seem to let go.

I still do.

2007-06-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

So my week was spent somewhat beautifully a private club, with the company of so many people grouped together to achieve a common goal.

It was undeniably nice, I enjoyed every single second of it.

But it was a conflict of interest. Finals just the week after the next, and nothing was done to prepeare myself for it.

And time past cannot be regained.

It got me thinking about many things, including you.
So everything sort of came back to me all of a sudden, and I get these random mental block of some sort, leaving me unable to think properly and be in a confused state.

Everything reminds me of you. Bugger.
So I cannot seem to forget you, when I thought I could.
Tomorrow is so going to be nostalgic. Remember Hong Kong?

Damn. I remember everything.

I still think of you. I really do.

No one could take your spot.

2007-05-31T10:53:00.000+08:00

Justin's My Love recently got me hooked again. It reminded me of something.

So what am I going to do about my studies?
Honestly, I'm not so sure.

I've been living two seperate lives lately, and it's not too hard just yet. Classes are scarce as it's almost end of sem, and band's got intensive for the upcoming comp. So yeah, perfect timing lately.

I'm kind of reliving the the days of the past, when I used to be in those shoes. It's so much to leave behind.

So probably that's the main reason I'm seen walking around,
doing apparently nothing at sessions. So yeah, I do get something from doing nothing.

It's like you're there again.

It's like you're part of everything again.

I love them. I do.

Just hoping that it would somehow not end. I know it could.

Thoughts fly, thoughts kill.

2007-05-13T01:26:00.000+08:00

Maths paper was bad.

Shall try harder for the finals.

I'd say, many people nowadays have a common mentality that reeks. Don't get me wrong, it's the mentality and resulting attitude that reeks, not the person. Although the person may turn out to be unlikeable after that as a result, but that's not the point.

It has got something to do with one of the most primitive traits inherited from our ancestors, to gain any sort of benefit solely, entirely and completely for ourselves and not give a chance of it to anyone or anything else.

The word selfishness would probably fit the context just fine in today's world. But to say that in the time of our ancestors (and I mean before civilisation as we all believe or are taught to believe) would be comparing apples and oranges, or coffee and tea, or kolok mee and mee hoon, whichever way you want to put it.

Because way back, it's all about survival. Here, survival is the word. In a time where human and beasts coexist, where danger lurks in every nook and cranny, there's nothing about doing anything possible all for the sake of not getting killed. Then, the principle "kill, or be killed" was more than appropriate. So humans then started to learn how to be opportunistic whenever possible.

So as not to beat around the bush, I'm trying to say that in this ever-changing, globalized, developed, modernized world of ours, we are still having this trait in ourselves (selfish in this context). Invisible to the naked eye, most of us would probably see it only when we want to identify it. You see people jumping queues, littering, double-parking, coming extra early to reserve seats, plus many more example we could find daily. So critics would say that almost every single thing that we do every day can be linked to this point I'm talking about.

Neither can you say that it's totally irrelevant. To be fair you have to take both sides without being biased. Analyze. So no one is totally right in this matter, but both sides have a link and contributions to their siding in this matter.

I'll explain. See, when people are doing things as stated above, they are trying to ensure their survival. When you jump queues, you're trying to get a better opportunity for yourself. Of course survival nowadays no longer means to stay alive, but to be more competitive and keep on progressing. The same goes to littering. Subconsciously, your mind tells your body to discard whatever rubbish currently in grasp wherever it is possible, so as to rid the body of physical limitations or obstructions that may arise from carrying it around.

This would not be much of a problem when it helps you to get better positions or advantages, but the trouble caused to the surroundings is where it is. You see, whatever advantages or gains you acquire must be someone or something else's lost. As a result, even when you get certain benefits from being selfish it may not seem or be worth it when compared to the negative effects it may bring to others.

Yet many continue doing so, propelled by the tought that nothing they do would have a large enough impact on their surroundings, and still, selfishness. But even when they have come to realize that they do have an effect on their surroundings, they start to think about how they are powerful enough to cause an effect so another selfish tought comes in, "I've got the power, what is there to lose?" Well, a day will come when that person would lose something to another and the other would be saying the same thing. So if one person stops taking advantage of another, disputes would be less frequent I presume.

When people read, understand, and say, "It's human nature. It's the way we are. Why change when we don't know what would happen if we do?" Then it's probably another selfish tought. When you have the intellect to observe, analyze and enough power to make a change, why not do so? If you continue living with it after knowing its mostly ill-effects, then what is the use of having the intellect, analyctical skills etc.? Then it would be a case of not optimizing your abilities and taking it for granted. To say that would also mean that it's a case of comparison between apples and oranges. How can you compare when it's two totally different conditions? After all, we no longer live in prehistoric times, so why would we still accept the concept "if we do not kill, we will be?"

Think. Thoughts surely lead somewhere. Although its outcome we may not know of until it comes.

Something for Mother's Day.

Procrastination. Again?

2007-05-10T20:52:00.000+08:00

I thought I was going to be busy and not be able to post this. But here it is.
Papers every Saturday.
Procrastination? Every day.
Conclusion? Procrastination and exams don't mix.

Another one of those wow-you're-talking-about-yourself-again kind of entry huh? Well this one's with a twist. As I am going to tell you about...

David!!!

See, he's smiling ever so broadly, knowing I'll put this in.
And he thought I'll be putting pics about Rob instead, candid. Turns out he didn't get the money shot. Your own fault. =D

Let's not leave the others out. We gathered at the library's discussion hall after lunch.

So no, this is not about David alone, nor is it totally about me. That's Adrian, the know-it-all. The one in red's Bong, as we call him. He's an expert pick-up/ drop-off driver.

That's Lynette on the left. Expert in erm (I don't know?). The one looking at the camera is Augustine, a.k.a. Robson, a.k.a. Micheal, a.k.a. Wee, expert in a lot of things we don't really want to be good at. He's group leader for M'sian Studies. Daniel is his left, as you can identify by the hand. Michelle was on his left, but didn't bothered to get extra shots.

Here we have David again, doing one of the many things he does best, trying to make a heart shape out of his fingers, to no avail... Oh no, he's just busy sculpting-out of Blu-Tack. Kenny in the making.

Kenny. Unofficial version. Rebuilt with Blu-Tack and nimble fingers. South Park character/ orange-hoodie-wearer-in-original-form. With his signature pose shared by many across the world, not including me, if you can see it clearly. He's a mono colour here.

Chem's due in two weeks, presentation first. CRTS report submission next week. Essay's end of this month. Physics paper next Sat. Could it get any better?

So I'll be saying more about others some other day, not forgetting myself. Because...

I'm off to do some r-e-v-i-s-i-o-n.

A Walk.

2007-05-06T00:19:00.000+08:00

Basically my day was wasted.
I was surprised at how much time I spend sitting in front of the laptop every day, doing nothing but typing and clicking away.
Next thing you know, it's night time. After that, it's already midnight.

So how much of my life have I wasted?

Come to think of it, another paper's coming up next Sat. Maths.
Needless to say, I WILL start my revision early. But early to me= few days before?
So I have to change that. Well, it should be a "must" instead.

Sem's almost over.

Driving test next week. After an awefully long wait.

Took a walk home yesterday after an hour of maths. Cut short because they had grad ceremony for past year's foundation students.
Some pics from yesterday.

The long, winding road out of campus.

Shards of glass on the wall. They still use the old method for home security.

The first traffic light junction. Tudan area.

Second traffic light junction. Lutong area.

Lutong bridge. Last pic.

It took me around 90 minutes. Will do better some other time. If I have the chance again. =D

So, ended up having less time to study for C++. An hour less than expected. Went back at 2 to sit for the paper. Recollected memories of the morning walk on the way. I was thinking,"Same road and everything, but the time taken's so far apart. Just because of the transportation mode. Vehicles have really changed the way we travel."

Test was so-so.

Dinner at Pizza Hut. It's a whole lot nicer with all the refurnishings and some minor relocations, but they should do something about the space. Whether they can do something about it is another thing, though.

In short, it was crammed and music was like, club-ish?

It's getting late. Head for the sheets.

And I was just thinking of...

2007-04-30T19:13:00.000+08:00

And I was just thinking of... you.

Tomorrow's Labour Day, so there won't be any classes. =D
But I got to start thinking about C++ though, paper's this Friday. Haven't even completed the lab exercise. It's worth what, 1 mark? Even so, it's not about that one mark, but what matters more is whether I have the ability to solve the problem.

I bet it gets harder from now on.

Anyway, having plans for Saturday. Maybe drop by school or something, and maybe on Sunday too. Stress relief. =P Plus it's band, my long waited love-and all that only if there IS training this weekend. There should be, and I love the quality they're currently at. Of course I'd love an even better quality than right now, but doesn't mean they don't deserve my affection at this stage. I do feel like I'm talking in circles. =| Hmmph. Besides, there's more to love them for than just their standard or quality. *grins*

So it's just fun and games for the night. But, it will pass me by before I realise it. Time doesn't fly anymore, it zips through the time-space continuum with abhorent speeds.

Some snaps on what we did today.

The girl was amazed at how she had to position her head to be able to talk to David properly. And David was enjoying it.
-She was just trying to read the presentation. =D

Our presentation. Well part of it. We're going to add up some more pages soon. And maybe some colour to it. Freaking plain.

"I happen to have a packet of peanuts we can eat while waiting for our flight. Don't worry, I'll SHARE." David says. "OHMYGAWD!", exclaimed Ad.

"I swear it was this LONG!"

Our M'sian Studies sub-group leader. The photo's small for a reason.

Lunchtime.

Rice+curry+vege=$3.00

Float=$2.00
Happy with a full stomach=Priceless.

Physics class. Human population was scarce.

Complicated set of equations. Solution for just one question. What if the question itself was this long?

Got my flash drive. Thanks Dad.

Till then.

Endless Papers

2007-04-27T16:28:00.000+08:00

Chem paper tomorrow. C++ next friday. Maths the week after. Physics after that.
Revision for the next few weeks. Kinda hectic but will have to go through no matter what.

Chemistry here I come!

But first...

EAT!!!

And... Some pictures from Augustine's B-Day Dinner last Sat. It was actually on Tuesday but we had it early. You can find the reason above.

Some games after that...

Birthday Boy.

From nearest to furthest: Shane, Jay, Wei Wen, Billy, Ralph zooming past, Bong and the rest.

Thoughtful thinking.

2007-04-22T00:45:00.000+08:00

Have been thinking a lot lately, and I found myself kind of confused about many of the thoughts that've been running through my head. I really start to question certain things and why they happen, how it would be if it were different and most importantly what should I do to fit myself in that condition. To be or not to be, to see or not to see; what am I to do then?

To think that I've been allowing time to carefreely fly past me without me fully appreciating the presence and importance of it. It hits you right in the face when you really think about it. Hard. So maybe like they say, the truth is hard to swallow, but why is it hard? After all, it is the end result of what I've done and have not done. So, what you give is what you get in return.

Possibly I may sound as if I'm taking it too seriously, but, just because that it's a common belief, that people who start mentioning about serious time management and stuff like that are depressed, stressed out or whatever.

It may not be too late for me, provided I really start doing something about this unrest I have in myself. It's never to late really, no matter how old you are, what you've done, or how far have you gone. What matters is that you really start making the change. No change=always too late. As long there's change, it's okay.

Exams are creeping up in a few weeks time, and before I start regretting about how I could've revised and prepared myself when I had the time, after it's over, I shall do something about it now.

So, it's never to late to change. For the better, that is.

Tuesday.

2007-04-10T18:02:00.000+08:00

Had physics lab first thing in the morning... Something about measuring
the acceleration of a trolley when under kinetic coefficient or something
like that. Oh well, I'm usually the one doing the experiments, not reading
about the theories or formulas. Both are equally important, well maybe
the theory thing's more important, but I didn't seem to care. =D

And here's most of the experimental setup.

Trolley, weights, wires, some light sensory thing connected to the digital stopwatch thingy.

It says "philip harris" and the same goes for the digital stopwatch thingy. It's actually a bulb at one end and a sensor on the other. So the time is
measured when light is blocked by an opaque object, in this case the strip of paper on the trolley.
That big thing in the previous pic's background is the timer and power supply thing all-in-one.

Had lunch and a float at midday. This time it's sprite float.

I had a chance to listen to Cindy's mp3 during the long break.

A shot of it and its sock.

Another shot, with the player snug inside.

Tomorrow's another day.

Procrastination at its best... =)

2007-04-09T19:43:00.000+08:00

Procrastination.
A golden word favoured by all,
and no teen would be complete without it.(Well MOST of them)

Procrastination is basically a better sounding word in place of "last-minute" or "last-minute work". You know how people want to sound more sophisticated, mature or whatever at
times, and that's just how it goes. It may be termed as too "ang-moish" by some and I'm not encouraging you people to talk more in "Mang-lish" or "Sing-lish" or whatever hybrids there may be out there, just saying that's how one of the many things in this universe works.

So it's hard to beat. I mean procrastination. Really. It's like a head lice, or a swarm of them if you wish, that keeps on clinging to ya frail threads of hair and won't go away till you cut 'em hairs. Or it may be like another sort of addiction, let's take one of the more common ones, smoking. Once you get into it it's hard to stop, not that you don't want to, but you literally just cannot go without it. So almost any work or assignment given to me would be kept in a virtual safe and set to open only when it's extremely close to the dead line.

As a result of this, many things can be done to keep myself from completing my tasks. These include the more common ones like watching TV, chatting, surfing for waves in the net... and also the more unbelievable ones which make you think "Like that also can ah?"(Typical M'sian accent included) like walking around in circles, sit and do nothing, ponder or reminisce about stuff, or even doing housework. My, you should see how drastically I turn from being clueless and dreamy into well-disciplined and consistent when it comes to evading my assignments, by doing house work of course.

A bit of procrastination won't hurt every now and then, but too much would be fatal. Serious.

These are some of the examples:

So taking a pic of chips and a glass of water IS a way to procrastinate.

Me writing this blog entry itself is somehow considered as procrastinating.

And...

"Lepak", as we call it.

Another one.

Misusing private property for personal gain.

Augustine's version.

And finally, I give to you once again...

"KOPI 'O'" float, this time, untouched.

Like I said, posting this entry itself is procrastinating.

Bah, I still have maths to do... =D

a deux

2007-04-04T17:40:00.000+08:00

Remember having those moments together?

Well, I still live with it. It IS very difficult to forget. Plus when you have so little of something, you tend to cherish it more. Maybe I will always have a part of it in myself, forever entangled by the
intricate web of feelings in my heart.

To say that I don't readily let go of the past would be an assumption; I'm hanging on to only what I want to hang on to. It's a little like watching a movie. Except that the camera is you. Watching it all again.

What if I'm living the story?

With so many things bugging me and my overloaded brain, it's kinda hard to think of what to do. Like what I've told so many people but have yet to do it myself, "Do one thing at a time." Exams, assignments, homework- it ain't hard but it definitely takes time to complete.

"Rileklah," they always say. I say that too sometimes.

Tried the black coffee float. Found it quite to my liking.

"Rileklah" demonstration.

Late night snacks during assinment breaks. Yesterday's.

Some pictures from Kimochi's debut in futsal. Last Wed.

Avinash, Julian, Ralph, Jaremy.

A free kick.

Siew 'Goalie' King

After futsal, some shots at the hoop. Lim, Nash, Jon, King, Julian, Ralph, J.

With anticipation.

2007-03-28T19:24:00.000+08:00
And I'm actually continuing this after so long...
Expectantly, I've experienced quite a lot of things during that period of absence. Currently in a position where I'm not really sure where I'm going to end up in the future, coping with life seems to be the best thing to do. I mean it in a positive way, really.
From where I left off, I went to Hong Kong, went through a wonderful experience, stayed somewhat idle for about two months, and here I am continuing my studies in CUT. That's the summary, as explaining about everything would be abhorrently long.
After all that and plenty of time for self-realization, I found out that I'm living a life that's surprisingly similar yet different at the same time compared to before. It's not much different from high school life really, as the atmosphere is pretty much the same to me. The difference is that the things we study's just going a few levels deeper. And that's pretty much it.

I'm still pretty much a high school student at heart.

Maybe part of the blame is the length of time I had spent there. Five years may seem too short when you're there but it's not when you're out. After all that time, who can just walk away and forget the things there? I mean you can't just stop doing something you've been doing for so long and expect yourself to have no traces whatsoever of it in your memory just like that.

That's why it's so hard to just leave.

Plus I'm not really a fan of big changes and that I don't really like it where I am now and that just adds to support me against leaving high school altogether. No way, at least for now.

I'm going to be the captain and steer my own ship.

*Poof*

2006-12-23T23:40:00.000+08:00
Like I once said to someone... "There's just so much to say but so little time to do it..."
Guess until now then the prospect of losing what's left of my time in band really hits me in the face. It never seems clear until the last moment, sort of like driving in a fog-you'll not see the car ahead until you get close enough.

Now that I see it's running out fast, I try to make the most of my time left. To be precise, the upcoming trip with the rest. It may be now or never, I suppose. Along with my relationship, which I never thought could be the way it seems to be going now, but never seems too certain for me to make a firm stand on.

It will be a lot of firsts in one go, but I think it's not gonna happen anywhere else except on this trip. The last, for many things, but the best, which I could keep for as long as I want.

Sometimes I wish I was bold enough, daring enough, firm enough, to stand up and say it out, or do something instead of nothing. I finally did, but whether it was enough, I don't know. I think that's one of my greatest weaknesses which I have learnt but have yet to change.

I think I should be straightforward for once, and clear things up a bit so I could see where I'm standing and where she is. Right now it seems that I don't have a single clue to where this relationship is and where it's going, much like before. But there was once when I felt different, felt certain and warm about it... and the next thing I know... I don't know.

My admiration and fondness growing, as they say, "absence makes the heart fonder" and I would agree. Maybe the past is still in the present, as skeptical as I may sound, but there's just so many possiblities. I just don't know what to think.

For now, I'd just go with the flow, sort of sit back and see how it goes, and maybe sit back and watch how things WOULD go without ME doing anything, and end up in tears for what I longed so much. It's not like I can do anything, rushing doesn't help and I wouldn't want to be taken as a rash guy.

So what the heck?

Surprisingly calm yet unpredictable...

2006-08-15T20:00:00.000+08:00
I'm stumped.

True what Ralph said... It's the TRIALS and I don't even feel anything... So, okay, it's the trials, big deal. It's SPM that counts. But even so, I don't I'll feel any different then. Seems my interest have gone faded.. all too early. Revision's not even like one. Dang. So absentmindedly passing time, all too easily.

But somehow, I have to put in at least some effort in it. I'm starting to see the frequency of particular questions and it seems to be consistent. Put in more effort, and mantain my performance. Hope I can manage it. Not that I don't have the time, but it seems that I lack my willpower to study.

Somehow I'm gonna get it back into me.

Plus, my feelings wouldn't change even after so long, maybe just a little bit but I'll still stay mostly the same, or change for the better. I'll wait. Don't know for what, until when, but I'll wait.

A freeze in time...

2006-08-13T17:11:00.000+08:00
Wow, I cannot believe that I have left this blog dangling for almost a year now... Even more, time seems to be passing very quickly. Time flies, as they say. I'm only left standing in a dazzled state, all encircled in a shadow of confusion.

The more it is near to year's end, the more time zooms past me... Now I'm just starting to realise some of the truths and facts which were hidden away deep inside me... Now I start to understand the facts about certain things... That life as a teenager is not all about fun and games... contrary to what most people think and what I desired back then... My responsibilities... no matter what people say, no matter how many do it as such, or how it would affect even the tiniest of things in me and my life, have to be taken care of properly, if not very well.

Of course, you'd like the best of your time in school, especially when it's your last year. No matter how hard it is, how bad the conditions are, there's always something, or someone urging me forward. To go on. That's why most people succumb to the premature thoughts and forced subconsciously to do things they don't want to or not supposed to. I don't want to be a victim. No matter how much time is left for me to change it.

Just when I was starting to enjoy and understand the meaning of doing things I previously only felt obliged to do, it all seems to be the end. Exams in few months, what preparations do I have with me right now? It all seems to surface out of the dark. Rearing its ugly head in the face of reality. What I've done, and what have I not done.

My obligations to Allah, are all but properly executed. What have I done for my family, my friends, my school... But what have I done for Allah? I start to realise, I start to question myself, and slowly, but steadily, I'm putting together the pieces of the answer I've been looking for. For almost five years, life has been easy, but humans tend to demand more as they get better conditions. What are my responsibilities? Study, put up a good name, be a better person, and fulfill my responsibilities to Allah. That is all. What have I accomplished so far? By any means, nothing fit to be considered. There were so many opportunities and yet I blew them all. How worse can one get?

I have learnt that there is no point in pushing people so hard to do something, but still it would not be better without it... Unless they understand what it all means... not just sulking and hoping for a-million-acre comfort zone. Plus, if you wait and depend on someone else to do something, when exactly are you going to decide? That's just following, not leading. Yes you say you would not do it as no one else is doing it. But if its for good and its your decision, why wait for others? Why be scared of being different for a good cause just because its different from what most people are? If everyone's like that, what would happen? Where is the independancy and maturity of the people? It seems the more we advance in terms of innovations and technology, the more we see people degrade in terms of social and psychological maturity. Why? What is the root to all of this?

And so I'm wondering about the future. The vague, blur details that I have of what is to become of the people. I feel a need to improve things. But how much can I go? Not that I have any effective or even possible solutions. But somehow, you cannot just leave it to time to change. Time will not wait for you, people. As you can say you'll understand it sooner or later, it will all be too late for all you know. No worries about realising it, but when.

So I'm still trying to find most of the answers and hope that it would be in time. For everything. As far as I desired most things to come my way, as far as I wanted what I want, it's not just all snap and *poof* its there. No way. That's why planning is of the essence. What necessarry actions and their effects would be. It's not all you can do just because you're still young. Now I find myself in a position where most of the things that I want are all far from being achieved... most of which are the result of my very own decisions and actions. What I did according to my understanding and beliefs at that point. Of course those things wouldn't be what they are right now if not for the path I had chosen. But still, it could be different with a little rational thinking and proper actions. Of course all this depends on fate, and Allah's greatness would be the most exact answer to the reasons I am where I am right now. Allah Almighty, He knows everything, from start to finish. Everything of my life is already predetermined, but that doesn't mean I just leave everything to fate. That is up to me to live up to my conditions and whether I choose to make or break.

Going through at full speed... may He help choose the right actions and decisions for me.